Saying yes when I meant no saw me reluctantly and resentfully doing things that I didn't want to do, and which I then loathed myself for being weak about afterwards. It also meant that I over-committed myself, and went out to parties and places when I was low, and I often lived to regret it.
I had friends in my life that just didn't really wish me well when I took a closer look. Those who were actually quite good to me when I was down,
but when things were on the up seemed to want to tell me things that were often hurtful, with no real purpose other than to make themselves feel smarter, prettier or just 'better' than me.
I also dated toxic men whenever I was in a low place. Men who I wanted to pursue love from, who actually didn't love themselves
and were therefore ill equipped to fulfil any of my needs while I tended to theirs.
To all of this I said 'No' once I realised that I was loveable.